I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
