oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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