have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
