i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?