Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
