The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .