I wish I could punch you in the face.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.