My room smells like vodka and shame
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.