Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?