I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
