I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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