I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
