We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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