Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
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Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
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They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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