so that wasnt chicken after all
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
