So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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