mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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