I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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