im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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