im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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