Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
