I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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