One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
