Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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