I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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