He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
