The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
