if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
