Im at strip club and am horny
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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