I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
