Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
