O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
