He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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