I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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