just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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