Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
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I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
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also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize