I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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