u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
