its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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