how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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