Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize