i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
