i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
