Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
