I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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