Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
