Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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