dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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