My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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