sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
