hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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