It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize