im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
