The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
