Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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