Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
