Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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