I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Two words: nipple clamps
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