How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
