I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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