Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
