1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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