I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
