I'm gonna have a badass scar
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
