Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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