Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Who died my cat blue again?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
