Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
