I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Im part way to drunk.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
