He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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