He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
