Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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